So Much For Christmas Spirit o/

Venting Out Frustrations HAHA

Feeling depressed all of a sudden. Why one might ask. Let’s just say I have finally stopped being in the delusion of denial. Time to accept the fact that I have loads of trust issues and I tend to over-think things a lot. In the past years I used to be quite a negative person. I have changed, or at least I thought I did. Old habits are hard to die they say. Well currently, it’s kicking me in the butt. It HURTS a lot. As we can all see this essay is already the proof of my failure as a human being. Don’t get me wrong, I have a loving and complete family. We may have fights and have done grave mistakes in the past, but as the elders say, the past is in the past. The future and present is what we can do now to change our lives for the better. The decisions are in our hands, yet I find it so hard to grasp. Despite being luckier than most, I still find myself trap in a world full of doubt, especially on the importance of my existence and how much trust I can put in one person. These thoughts and question replay in my mind like a broken tape recorder that would not leave me unless I was 6ft underground.  A good example would be, I frequent on Skype as I use it to communicate with my pals from around the world, the minute they do not reply me fast enough or give me any hints of unfaithfulness, I immediately start condemning or doubting our friendship. It is because of this fault of mine that has left me with friends who, in my mind aren’t real friends. Do you treasure me as much as I do to you? If I were to put my trust in you, will you shatter it like the others? Do you secretly hate me? At the end of the day all I can say is that I truly am sorry for all the things I have done and yet to have done to make you hate me. Will you forgive me then? Will things remain the same? Or will I be just a distant memory of a fling you once had? Trap in this dark abyss with no light at the end, it turns me into a monster. Who am I? Was I a different person in the past? I can’t remember. All I know is that I have to please you but in the end I still get hated, what do I do? Can I just disappear? They say the happiest person is most often the saddest. That I can vouch for. I may laugh and joke around a lot. But inside I’m hurting, left with a scar on my heart that will never heal, I try to act tough, after all it is just a facade waiting to be broken by my overwhelming emotions. One day I’m going to disappear, and when I do, I’ll look forward to seeing the look of either happiness or despair on your face, so that I will be able to smile and let go.

They try to measure the depths of all the scars that we have

And try to prove to us that life could be so much more

But if you'd only stop and take a look around, you'd know that we're all the same
Quote: Nano Hysteria