Venting Out Frustrations HAHA
Feeling depressed all of a sudden. Why
one might ask. Let’s just say I have finally stopped being in the delusion of
denial. Time to accept the fact that I have loads of trust issues and I tend to over-think things a lot. In the past years I used to be quite a negative person.
I have changed, or at least I thought I did. Old habits are hard to die they
say. Well currently, it’s kicking me in the butt. It HURTS a lot. As we can all
see this essay is already the proof of my failure as a human being. Don’t get
me wrong, I have a loving and complete family. We may have fights and have done
grave mistakes in the past, but as the elders say, the past is in the past. The
future and present is what we can do now to change our lives for the better.
The decisions are in our hands, yet I find it so hard to grasp. Despite being
luckier than most, I still find myself trap in a world full of doubt,
especially on the importance of my existence and how much trust I can put in
one person. These thoughts and question replay in my mind like a broken tape
recorder that would not leave me unless I was 6ft underground. A good example would be, I frequent on Skype
as I use it to communicate with my pals from around the world, the minute they
do not reply me fast enough or give me any hints of unfaithfulness, I immediately
start condemning or doubting our friendship. It is because of this fault of
mine that has left me with friends who, in my mind aren’t real friends. Do you
treasure me as much as I do to you? If I were to put my trust in you, will you
shatter it like the others? Do you secretly hate me? At the end of the day all I
can say is that I truly am sorry for all the things I have done and yet to have
done to make you hate me. Will you forgive me then? Will things remain the
same? Or will I be just a distant memory of a fling you once had? Trap in this
dark abyss with no light at the end, it turns me into a monster. Who am I? Was I
a different person in the past? I can’t remember. All I know is that I have to
please you but in the end I still get hated, what do I do? Can I just
disappear? They say the happiest person is most often the saddest. That I can
vouch for. I may laugh and joke around a lot. But inside I’m hurting, left with
a scar on my heart that will never heal, I try to act tough, after all it is
just a facade waiting to be broken by my overwhelming emotions. One day I’m going
to disappear, and when I do, I’ll look forward to seeing the look of either
happiness or despair on your face, so that I will be able to smile and let go.
They try to measure the depths of all the scars that we have
They try to measure the depths of all the scars that we have
And try to prove to
us that life could be so much more
But if you'd only
stop and take a look around, you'd know that we're all the same
Quote: Nano Hysteria
Quote: Nano Hysteria
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